Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Truth Lies and Poetry

My partner mentioned that he didn't know the name of my blog.

"Don't you ever read it?" I asked.
"No." he answered as if any other answer should have been unexpected.
"You read the post about my horrible ER visit, didn't you?"
"Well, yeah because you asked me to, but really I was like; I was there, why do I have to read about it?"
Sensing the cold radiating from my emotionless face he went on to explain further.
"Listen, I'm not good at the reading thing. Remember all those poems you wrote me when we first got together?"
I did remember them, fondly. All that new love poured out onto the screen and sent immediately to his inbox. He told me his favourite lines, that he liked that I sent them to him...
"-Well they could have been shit for all I know."
Pure silence, I mean even the crickets shut-the-fuck-up. I can't remember the rest of his explanation, something about "not getting it"

Have I ever mentioned that my partner and I write music together? That I sit and listen to him play the same thing over and over again until he's got it just right and cheer him on? That my poetry that "could be shit for all he knows" becomes the lyrics. Every song I had ever written lyrics for that he had said he liked... You all know where this is going.

So, it started with a little bit of an act, "ooooh I like your poetry" (which really was probably like oooh I like you in your tight jeans and you're sending me poetry about water that sounds like it might be dirty, so I better act like I like it cause I don't want you to think I'm stupid) Turns into a full blown "Yeah that's great we should definitely make that into a song..." Then into "Amber writes the lyrics but I write the music..." which I used to believe was pride in me but now I'm thinking it was more about avoiding embarrassment on his part.

Should he have kept up the facade? Should he have remained dishonest? Should I tell him I wrote a blog about him? Will he read it then? Is that a bad reason to tell someone you wrote a blog about them?

I am feeling hurt by his dishonesty and I no longer write him poetry or lyrics. The question I've got to ask, was it because I gauged how good I was on his response to my poetry and now I lack confidence? Is it because writing lyrics reminds me of the lie I used to believe? Is it out of spite and punishment and now he's got to come up with his own damn lyrics?

I think it's a bit of everything all thrown into one garbage can overflowing with crumpled up half finished "You lied about liking my poems" poems.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Sluts, STIs and Other Myths That Harm Our Children

I just saw a trailer on fb for a movie in production to spread awareness about the possible side-effects of Gardasil vaccine. I thought it was a great idea and I scrolled down to see the comments. There was one idea shared in particular that always seems to get my sensible yet sexy cotton knickers in a knot. "Lets teach our children to stop acting like animals and having sex with everyone who comes along and be responsible for these types of life altering decisions" Though I do agree with this commenter that we need to teach our children to be responsible for their decisions. One must ask what sort of impression does one leave on their child about the spread of STIs. If that talk begins with the idea that STIs are spread by acting like animals and having sex with everyone who comes along. Then they may think: "Well, I'm not having sex with everyone, I'm having sex with my boyfriend who I've been with for a year and he's only been with one other person once, so I know he's clean. I'm getting on the pill, so I won't get pregnant" It only takes 1 time for an STI to spread. It's not like you get 1/10th of an STI per sexual partner. Then say this child starts having symptoms of an STI, is she going to go to her mother and talk about it? Or is she going to be too full of shame knowing that her mother thinks that only people who have sex with everyone contract STIs?
Also people WE ARE ANIMALS. Though society currently frowns upon teenage sex, evolution has not yet caught up to our social sensibilities and still floods our bodies with hormones that make us want to pro-create in our teen years. We cannot suppress our children's hormones.
We can guilt them into not having sex...nope that hasn't worked. We can threaten them with eternal damnation...still not working. We can lock them up in their rooms until they are 20...illegal. Like it or not your child is highly likely to have sex as a teenager, even have more than one partner. Accept it and prepare now. Prepare by treating your child's body with respect, so that s/he will learn it is worthy of respect. Have open conversations about sexual attraction, that it is normal not shameful to want sex as a teenager. Talk about repercussions and I don't mean that "bad reputation" thing (many a virgin in my high school was labelled a slut after dating the guy every other girl wanted). The whole "other people will think badly of you" is just another guilt tactic and gives permission for your child to judge and thus feel judged by his/her peers. The most important thing you can do to protect your child from STIs, and unwanted pregnancy is to talk openly about sex, pregnancy, STIs and precautions as well as raise them in an environment that promotes confidence and individual thought.