Wednesday, July 30, 2014

HOUSE MD, Hospital Vacations and Southern Vampire Novels.

Remember how I was looking forward to there being no more appointments after my sleep study? I forgot about follow-up, but that's no biggie.  I was beginning to think that we've got all this figured out... Until I watched House.  Never watch House when you are experiencing symptoms and waiting on a disease diagnosis.
This show is evil, and awesome and evil.
So anyways, Last month my breasts were swollen and very painful, this month too, it felt as sensitive as when I was pregnant, but I thought, hey fibromyalgia makes stuff hurt so... why not my boobs? I didn't even consider telling my NP at our appointment because I figured it's just another symptom of Fibromyalgia.  So this is when House comes in to the picture. Watching House when you are not feeling well is worse then googling your symptoms, you will have convinced yourself by the end of the show that you either have lupus, sarcoidosis or complete liver failure and that you will begin to vomit blood any minute.  So anyways, There was a show where Dr. House mentions a man having a high prolactin level.  Then I remembered prolactin headaches (I've been having some whopper headaches) then I remembered that my breasts had been tender and swollen. I decided to try some hand expression and low and behold I am lactating.  Yep, I am lactating.  Not a lot, just a few drops.  So the next morning I sent Scott out for pregnancy tests (which is a long shot considering that I had a tubal ligation) both negative.  The next day I stop in at the NP office, and they squeeze me in that afternoon because my sleep study is that night and all of the next day.  Long story short I could only produce a drop or two for the nurse, (it's a bit nerve racking having someone stare at your nipple while you squeeze your breast) not enough to test.  So blood work for prolactin levels and pregnancy as well as a mammogram and ultrasound coming up.   The idea of a mammogram scares me, they look very painful.  She assured me that it is probably nothing to be worried about, that I had no lumps but it would be a good idea to see what is going on in my breasts.  From there we went home for 20 minutes then packed and headed to the sleep study.

Scott and I had a heart to heart on the way there, it was just over an hour drive.  It's hard to take care of someone in pain. He's had to take on more of the house work and deal with my mood swings.  I'm not bringing in very much money because I'm not working a steady job at the moment so he is supporting us more financially then before.  His anxiety has increased, our arguments have increased.  However, our ability to talk about them afterwards has also increased. We have more compassion for eachother's circumstances, we forgive quickly.  At the end of the day in which we have argued, I can take his hands in mine and say: "We've both had a rough day."  We are able find solace in holding eachother realizing that this situation is not easy for either of us, and that we are still learning. 

So, I was nervous when we got to the hospital.  I'm always nervous around hospitals.  We were lead into our private room that had two adjustable hospital beds, a sink, a lamp and a chair.  The first thing I thought about was bed bugs.  With so many people sleeping here, how do they guarantee no bed bugs?  I realized that I had to let go of that creepy thought, there was nothing I could do about anyways.  I filled out a questionaire about medications and emotional significance.  Scott brought his guitar, I brought a novel by Charlaine Harris, something I had already read so it would be easier to put down when it was time to sleep. Scott and I cuddled up together in one of the tiny beds and he read a poetry book while I read my smutty vampire mystery.  It was explained that I was to go to sleep when I normally would, I wouldn't be disturbed unless they needed to adjust some sensors, then I would be woken at 7am. and sleep for 20-30 minute intervals over then next 5 hours.
Scott had apparently forgotten to call ahead and ask the beds what they were wearing:
How Embarassing

So I had also gotten my idea of what a sleep study looked like from House. What a sleep study looks like on House :

This is what is really looks like:


It took an hour to get "The Full Montage" as our tech Jim called it.  Obviously we laughing and having a good time.  I try to find humour in situations that usually would make me anxious.  My nervousness only slipped in right as they showed me the nose tube, but I breathed and smiled and said my nose felt tickly. At least I didn't need and iv.  At bedtime I fell asleep easily but had a hard time staying asleep, new sounds and such. The wires didn't bother me as much as I thought they would.  In the middle of the night some strange dude opened the door and said "Sorry." and left.  Apparently he wasn't in the sleep study, he got in through a door that was suppose to be locked and was wondering around the hospital looking for the er. That was a little creepy.

The next day they woke me at 7am, I was irritable, dazed and stiff.  I read my book, ate veggies for breakfast, Scott got me decaf coffee and then I was told to go to sleep for 20 minutes.  I kind of slept.  Then the same thing again, and again, then lunch.  I stumbled down to the cafeteria with Scott.  My brain was so fuzzy I couldn't order or think straight.  I had the perogies, not bad.  Then one more "nap time." And we were done.  Tooks, one of our techs mentioned that we should enjoy our "hospital vacation".  You know what? I kind of did.  There were no dishes, no having to tell the kids to do things, no reminders of things I had put off. There was something very relaxing about that, even if I was covered in wires and sleepy as sh*t.

The thing is that they attached the sensors to my head with sticky conductive stuff that dries hard and gets stuck in hair.  They have a shower there to try to get it out, but my fibromyalgia makes showering very painful to me, so that was out of the question.  I told "Tooks" that I was just going to cover my hair with a scarf and go to Walmart (the only place with a hair salon that you don't need an appointment for) then get it washed out.  She says to me, "No, no you just wait.  I'll get some rubbing alcohol and try to get out as much as I can before you leave."  She came back with rubbing alcohol and guaze pads and scrubbed every part of my head that had a sensor on it (I believe there were 24).  It was painful, but she was trying so hard to be helpful.  At the end, I told her thank you and now the hairdressers would have a much easier time at Walmart.  Then she's like: "Oh, you are not going shopping there?"  "No." Then she started to laugh. "I was trying to get this out because I thought you were going shopping with your hair like that and I was thinking I couldn't let you do that."  Tooks has an infectious laugh. 
My hair after Tooks cleaned it with rubbing alcohol:
I am facing the camera
 
We ate a pretty good meal at a blue restaraunt on the Bay, then headed to Micheals on Main for Scott's gig with Jamie Oppenheimer.  I was pretty tired when I got home.  But not too tired to read the last chapter of my Sookie Stackhouse book.  Since I came home, I have reminded myself to find that space again, that feeling I had on my "hospital vacation".  I don't have to feel pressure of things to be done, simply acknowledge that they need to be done, but not right now and let it go.  That or actually do them of course. The sleep study was meant to be a diagnosic proceadure, but it ended up being both healing and educational. It reminded me that there is such a thing as peace, to get things done as they need to be done and leave it be until that time.