Monday, November 24, 2014

Nothing a Little Pat on the Head Can't Cure.

MRI clear.  Should be jumping for joy right?  So why didn't I feel awesome hearing that?  Because we can't treat without answers, because thank goodness I don't have a tumor, but it doesn't mean that I am suddenly healthy or the dis-ease is going to just disappear because a photograph of my brain says it's not hiding there.  I'm getting frustrated.  I started feeling sick last January.  It's been almost a year and no diagnosis fits and I am only getting worse.  I got an appointment with a neurologist, who basically told me when I walked through the door, that he read my file, he's sure that I'm fine, he's usually right about these things.  Way to be objective Dr...  He asked me to list what was wrong after each symptom he interrupted me to tell me why or how that symptom could be "nothing".  I mentioned a family member who had developed involuntary movement then he diagnosed said family member right then and there (never having seen them or their tests and taking the description from a non-medical professional)  having a benign "tic" then told me that must be what I have because it runs in the family.  WHAT?!?  Worst part?  I went to see him on one of the best days I've had in months.  I told him that, that my symptoms were minimal, he jokes "Look, just having an appointment with me healed you" HAR fucking HAR buddy, may your jest keep me in light spirits while I miss yet another of my children's birthday parties because I'm in so much pain I'm bed ridden for the afternoon.  He was so busy interrupting me and telling me how fine I am that I didn't even get to tell him all of my symptoms.  His examination?  The same one my Nurse Practitioner did except he listened to my eye balls and he skipped a few things she did.  Then he goes on to talk about how surprised and impressed he was with her knowledge of examining for neurological disorders, I told him that Nurse practitioners can do almost the same amount of things that a GP can except they can't prescribe certain narcotics, but every other drug they can.  I said they simply refer patients when something is beyond their scope. The he says "Well if little Johnny has an ear infection, I guess they can just send him to the specialist." He also kept referring to sending my sleep specialist, Dr so and so, my new prescription. I told him that he needed to send it to My Nurse Practitioner. "Yeah, Yeah" he says, "I'll make sure she gets copies, So Dr. So and So will take you off that prescription and put you on this prescription okay?"  Me: "No, he will not, my Nurse Practitioner will, I will see her sooner." Him incredulous: "They can prescribe medication?" I wanted to bang my head off his desk.  I had just told him of the NP's experience and that they have to go back to university, however, he's made an assumption and he's usually right.  Ahem, but if you are the "expert" and people don't/can't go any further up then you then of course you are going to be right, there's no one to check it out and tell you you were wrong.  By the end of it he tells me it's probably stress.  I tell him no, I've lowered my stress levels and I'm feeling great emotionally.  So then he asks me if I've ever suffered from anxiety. I said yes in my early 20's for a year and for six months after my daughter was born.  Then he tilts his head and does that hand motion, you know the one that says: "Well, that's normal." At which point I had to tell him that it was by no means normal, it was extreme.  However, I was not feeling very stressed at the moment, I quit my stressful job and was enjoying my volunteer work.  My good days and bad days do not co-inside with times of low stress or high stress.  At the end of it all he tells me this: Your MRI is fine, it's just familial benign tremors, you need more iron, take it at night with vitamin C (the only new thing he taught me was to take the iron at night, I had been taking it in the morning) don't eat processed crap (anyone who knows our family knows I make almost all of our food from scratch and use honey and maple syrup in place of refined sugar) and get this: EXERCISE VIGOROUSLY.  He knows that I have fibromyalgia, tremors that cause my legs to give out from under me, dizziness and blackouts and he wants me to VIGOROUSLY EXERCISE.  Is he trying to kill me? Then he says he's going to get me an EKG or ECG or both for my heart, but he's sure that is fine too.  Oh great, if you're sure. "You're Fine" he smiles at me as we leave the exam room.  I can't walk without a cane because my tremors cause me to fall, my involuntary movements are so abrupt that they wake me in the night,  I have pissed my own bed, I have collapsed in the shower because I could not control my all over body shaking and 1 hour out in the cold leaves me bed ridden in pain for days. Yeah I'm in peak physical condition buddy.  In the end I felt like I got a pat on the head and should have been waiting for my lollipop at reception.  Speaking of reception, his receptionist was rude, not just then but when she called to book an appointment as well.  Needless to say I will be asking for a second opinion.  But I did get to see my mother and that made the trip to Toronto through the blizzard worthwhile.