I was looking at the last of the family pictures on Facebook. The last ones with Scott. I got rid of many of our lovey dovey photos because they hurt, they felt like a lie. These photos I am tagged in, and that night I met a lovely woman and her husband and I actually had the guts to sing in front of others, so I left them alone. I remember looking at those photos when I was first tagged in them. I thought about how bad I looked in them, how heavy I had become, how could I possibly be attractive to my partner? I had such low self esteem. Today I took a good look at them again and I was stunned by how pretty I looked. How could I have ever thought I looked bad? They are exactly the same photos, I even went through them several times to see if maybe I missed the "ugly" ones I had seen before.
I really didn't love myself back then.
I can see how body image issues can arise in dysfunctional families. When your self worth drops, your brain will focus on your flaws; intellectual, emotional and physical.
But here I am, every morning brushing my teeth and noticing how blue/grey my eyes are and that I like my cheek bones. I'm smiling at a reflection with little to no make up on. I walk by a large mirror in my hallway and think, wow what a beautiful woman I've become. I hope my daughter sees this. I want her to see that beauty comes from within. It' doesn't come from having a good heart, it comes from knowing you have a good heart. It's all about perception.