Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Ugly Girl In Photos Magically Becomes Beautiful

I was looking at the last of the family pictures on Facebook. The last ones with Scott.  I got rid of many of our lovey dovey photos because they hurt, they felt like a lie.  These photos I am tagged in, and that night I met a lovely woman and her husband and I actually had the guts to sing in front of others, so I left them alone. I remember looking at those photos when I was first tagged in them.  I thought about how bad I looked in them,  how heavy I had become, how could I possibly be attractive to my partner? I had such low self esteem.  Today I took a good look at them again and I was stunned by how pretty I looked.  How could I have ever thought I looked bad?   They are exactly the same photos, I even went through them several times to see if maybe I missed the "ugly" ones I had seen before.

I really didn't love myself back then.

I can see how body image issues can arise in dysfunctional families.  When your self worth drops, your brain will focus on your flaws; intellectual, emotional and physical.

But here I am, every morning brushing my teeth and noticing how blue/grey my eyes are and that I like my cheek bones.  I'm smiling at a reflection with little to no make up on.  I walk by a large mirror in my hallway and think, wow what a beautiful woman I've become.  I hope my daughter sees this.  I want her to see that beauty comes from within. It' doesn't come from having a good heart, it comes from knowing you have a good heart.  It's all about perception.