Thursday, November 5, 2015

The Power of Forgiveness

I forgive myself.  I forgive myself for getting lost in the end.  I forgive myself for breaking. I forgive myself for becoming so angry and so frustrated that I acted completely out of character.  I forgive myself for everything I did to try to keep the peace, even if meant being dishonest.  I forgive myself for yelling back.  I forgive myself for being jealous and insecure when I was sick.  I forgive myself for using food as an anxiety coping technique.  I forgive myself for becoming financially dependent on someone else putting myself into a vulnerable position.  I forgive myself for not listening to my friend Danno, who saw this coming a mile away.

Guess what? Once you forgive yourself, no one can use guilt against you.  Yep, I wasn't perfect.  Yep, I lost my shit after a while. Yep, I set up a scenario that put me at risk for an unhealthy relationship.  Yep, I left. Yep, I set boundaries. Yep, I got better. Yep, I got support.  Yep, I'm able and looking for work again.

I love and forgive myself.  I'm beginning to realize most of my pain after we broke up wasn't about him, it was about the shame I felt for what I perceived was my part in it.

No more shame, no more guilt.  Jogging with my head held high tomorrow.