Wednesday, December 9, 2015

9 Tips To Help You Avoid Sex When Healing From Heartbreak

So you may be in that gut-wrenching chest-ripping portion of the break-up, the first moment you realize it's truly over.  I'm not talking about your average break up.  I'm talking about years together, so-comfortable-with-each-other-you-pick-each-others-back-acne relationship termination.  You know rebound sex is a bad idea, you know a rebound relationship is an even worse idea and yet...

Perhaps part of you just needs to feel that closeness.  Maybe you feel sex with someone may make you feel sexy and wanted again.  Maybe you hope it will numb you even if just for a short period of time.  Perhaps your aim is to create jealousy in your ex. Maybe your ovary has just popped an egg into your Fallopian tube...whatever the reason for craving sex, part of you still knows, this is a bad idea.

Here's some tips on avoiding the post break-up sexathon that you'll probably regret later:

1. Don't go out.  Hide in your room.  Generally, sexual partners do not randomly appear at your front door offering themselves. (If you have a thing for delivery guys, you may also need to abstain from pizza and Chinese food). The draw back is that though a mourning period can be healing, too much time alone can be unhealthy.  Invite over a friend that you do not find sexy in the slightest.

2.Don't shave your legs before you go out.  (This will not work if you never shave your legs).  If the idea of scratching up a guy (or gal) with your Christmas tree like limbs turns you off, this may be that   little bit of a show stopper that you need.

3. Leave your room a disgusting mess when heading out to the bar.  Yep, mess up your bed, throw around your granny panties, find old food in the fridge and put it on plates, place it so it can be seen just peaking out from under your bed.  Imagine the look on the hottie's face when you bring him or her back to THAT, while s/he is chatting you up.

4. Imagine that everyone who offers to take you back to THEIR place is a psychotic murderer.  Generally going to a stranger's house the first night you meet them, is not the safest of choices anyways.

5.Erase ex lovers and old friends with benefits numbers from your phone.  If you mean anything to them, they'll get a hold of you in your not so vulnerable future and you can add them to your contacts then.  Same with Facebook.

6. Bring only a little cash if you are intending on going out to the bar, leave the debit and credit card at home.  The less drinking you do, the more able to remember that your legs aren't shaved and your room is a pigsty you will be.  Drink too much and all is lost.

7.Masturbate before you go out to situations in which you will meet potential sexual partners.  Be satisfied. (I can't help but think about Something about Mary as I type this) Never go to the grocery store hungry.

8. Make yourself look unavailable.  Unfortunately the ring finger doesn't seem to work anymore.  However if you are waiting for a friend while out, wearing headphones can discourage mister I'm-desperately-trying-to-make-eye-contact from approaching you.  Also I find music very healing to the broken heart so why not kill two birds with one stone?

9.  The most important and helpful thing I have found for myself is this one: Invest in your friendships.  Hang out with those who remind you of a different kind of loving fulfilment.  Have
dinner parties with them, go to the movies, have coffee, go shopping, start a book club or attend a stitch and bitch.  This friend should not be the fun loving Free spirit I love taking home a different guy every night sort of friend (not that there's anything wrong with that, it may just break down your resolve faster).

So there it is.  I'm going on Seven months rebound-sex free.  There was one close call where I thought maybe I'd like to make out with a guy, but thankfully it didn't happen.   So to any of my fellow highly sexual beings trying to abstain for the sake of fully healing your hearts.  Good luck and watch out for that plate of food sticking out from under your blissfully empty spacious bed.