Wednesday, December 23, 2015

I'll Be Home For Christmas...

I always felt that this song was such a let-down.  Here I am facing the very predicament as outlined in the song.   My children spend the 24th through 30th at their father's,  usually Scott was off work at that time and we would make plans to distract us from the silence of the house.  Obviously, this year, there will be no Scott and I am not working that week.   I agreed to work late into the 24th thinking that I had no other plans for Christmas, a couple of friends will be coming over for Christmas Eve dinner.  Which will be great.  My father called the other day to invite me to his place just outside of Toronto for the 25th, but that would mean leaving right after work, no dinner with friends and arriving in Toronto late Christmas Eve night...  Though I would love to spend the evening of the 25th with my mom, dad, Alice and my nephew, it seems like a stressful way to spend Christmas Eve.  There's something else too,  I think I'm meant to spend this time on my own.

I don't quite know how to explain it,  I'll try in a point form list sort of way (which I seem to be liking lately):
- Facing uncomfortable situations has always left me feeling stronger and wiser.
- One of the reasons we stay in relationships that are unhealthy is the fear of being alone,  well I want to look that fear in the eye until the illusion fades and I realize it never had eyes to begin with.
-I want the feeling of freedom, all by myself freedom.
-I want to catch up on reading.
-I want to create!
-I want to meditate on what I want for this year.
-I want to study for my G1
-I want to work on my fundraiser.
-I want to go out of town one night and hang out with a friend or two.
-I want to scrub a bathroom uninterrupted.

So, yes I may be spending the day of the 25th alone (one friend may be popping by that evening). But I'll be reading books, crocheting blankets, colouring, writing,  taking a long bath, sipping bubbly and practising yoga.   I may even go for a long hike with my earphones/muffs singing along to my iPad playlist.  I was feeling a little sorry for myself a few days ago, but that is because I forgot how blessed I am.  Christmas is about new life, new beginnings.  I have now set myself up to be able to do anything with my future.  My family knows I love them, I know they love me.  We will get together again, I know it.

So I'll be home for Christmas, I'll be at home in myself.