Did a YouTube 10 minute body scan to recharge myself. It started at the top of my head, and moved it's way down. When it moved to my chest, I took a moment to focus on my heart. It hurt, my heart really hurt. But not with missing Scott. It was full of anxiety, shame, it needed reassurance. So I imagined myself holding it. I told it that I am sorry it is hurting. I told it that I don't blame it for loving. That is was good for it to love. That I am proud of it for loving so deeply. I'm not angry at it anymore, and I never should have been.
I missed focussing on the upper legs and a few other spots, however it think I focussed exactly where I needed to.
I loved wholly, I gave myself completely. This is what my heart does, it is good at it. I just need to find a chamber for myself in it, and I will be just fine.