Friday, December 18, 2015

The Last Lesson

We were fighting in my dream, he knew he shouldn't be talking to me.  He knew he shouldn't be in my house.  I hit him with a book and it scratched his face.  I felt horrible and went to get something to help it heal.  Then I turned to him and said: can't we just be done?  And the utter emotional exhaustion I felt took over. The ceiling opened up and the sun was shining through.  It was almost noon and I wondered does this mean I'm only halfway done getting over him?  Or that this is my realization?  My subconscious is begging my brain to stop analyzing.  That I've figured out enough, I have learned every lesson I can and it's time to let go.

I saw some of his family members the other night, I barely felt any negativity, just an anxious twinge that went away as soon as it came. So the dreams from the night before were my old belief systems crashing down, then acceptance of love without fear, then the realization that nothing good is going to come out of more analyzation, there's no more to look into, it's all been examined, every lesson penned and absorbed.

Understanding something does not necessarily mean it won't cause you pain anymore.

That was the last lesson.