I messaged a friend tonight. I was all in a tizzy. I wanted to be in a relationship again. I wanted it a lot. He talked me off the relationship edge. God bless him.
The holidays will do that, make you want to hunker down with a certain special someone. Which is fine if you have already met, dated and feel you have someone who suits you. But to have this I want a relationship feeling with no particular person in mind let alone know well enough to commit to, well that is just plain dangerous.
This kind of desire can lead to the lowering of standards. Which I have been working very hard to avoid. But then I listened to myself. What is it I am really desiring? Passion. I have been stumbling around trying to find that thing that really does it for me, that isn't a person.
It's been here all along, offering me solace. Available at all hours of the night. My writing. Crisis averted. No jumping into a commitment for me, no scanning the room for potential dates, nope. Just me and whichever writing utensil is closest.
Thank you to my friend who put things into perspective for me.