I just saw it, a friend was feeling bad about something she had said. I immeadiately tried to make her feel better, not only because I empathized with that particular kind of guilt (which sucks) but also because a part of me felt fear. Fear at how she may react because she felt bad. Fear of an emotional outburst. I tried to control how she was feeling rather than just letting her feel it, in order to protect myself. Pattern spotted.
Next I realized that I literally tense up whenever someone else tells my children to do something or not to do something. My shoulders and neck muscles start to hurt. It doesn't matter how kindly it is said, how much it needed to be said, my body reacts in this way. Today I felt it happen, I reviewed the situation as one that was emotionally safe for my children and my shoulders relaxed. I smiled, pattern spotted.
They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. So let's call this day 1.