My throat hurts. Usually this stems from exhaustion and not saying what I mean. A lack of communication. But how can one communicate what they feel or want if they don't know? I hate making decisions out of the need to avoid pain and discomfort, but I'm in a spot where either way, it's not going to be easy...
Then something beautiful happens and I am reminded this too shall pass, and for a moment it feels like it already has. My hands are relaxing more and more, the dread of something slipping through my fingers is being replaced with the relief from my tight muscles and fingernail-imprinted palms.
My friends near and far are randomly arriving via messages and car to be with me. I spend the majority of my day content, even joyful. I am meeting other creative people and making plans. I am beginning to see how my extra shifts are going to make way for my next travelling adventure and I am stoked.
I'm putting together a radio show and hoping to have it done ASAP, while my memories are still intact. They say that you just keep working on your own joy and the rest will fall into place. So I have decided to come from a perspective of pure faith.
I look back at where I was last year at this time and shake my head at my unfounded fear of heartache. I have come from so far; I have kicked fear and grief's ass, all while broke and disabled and without the help of alcohol or sex. I got this.