Saturday, October 22, 2016

Step Up

I'm trying to think of an analogy for my guy friends to understand what it feels like to be harassed by a male in a bar.  Okay, so imagine there's this guy, he's at least twice your size. As soon as you walk in to the bar, he looks you up and down, he's sizing you up.  He's got this look in his eyes, this look that says, "You and me, we'll be taking this outside later."  For some reason this guy has it out for you specifically.  You wonder if it was something you wore. Is your t-shirt offensive? But you're out with your buddies to have a good time,so you shrug it off.

You are standing at the bar waiting to order your drink, the big guy comes up behind you and stands uncomfortably close, orders a drink over your head then bumps into you with his body.  You don't turn to look at him because you know this will just invite more interaction and you just want to get your drink and sit down at the booth.

You are trying to enjoy the conversation with your friends, but this guy keeps shooting you looks.  You have to take a piss, but you are pretty sure he will follow you to the bathroom and try to start something.  So you sit in the booth uncomfortable, trying to ignore him and your bladder.

The guy starts walking towards your table. You get this sinking feeling in your gut.  He makes jokes with your friends, they seem to like him and now you feel like you have less support.  Then he leans into you and jabs you in the side, laughing.  He messes with your hair, tries to give you a bear hug. Basically he is proving to you that he can do whatever he wants to you. The whole time you are pushing against him, but you are worried if you really take a stand it will get violent and then you'd be in some serious trouble.  This guy could break you.  So you take it and try to make light of it, humiliating as it is.  Then when he finally has to take a piss you excuse yourself, pay your tab as quickly as possible and get the hell out of there.

Now add to this fear of physical pain, the knowledge that this man wants to shove his dick up your ass to pleasure himself. Welcome to the world of the average woman being harassed at the bar.  So please,  if you see a man disrespecting a woman's boundaries, instead of avoiding interfering out of fear of it becoming a nasty situation, realize it is already a nasty situation for her.  Step-up and you guys who are watching a guy step up for a woman who is being harassed, you step up too.  Because this isn't between two men fighting over a woman, this is about behaviour towards women that we should not accept in our society.