The blood moon approaches.  Red eclipse Super moon and I am at a park with my babies.  I dreamt about this week's ago.  In my dream the moon blew to pieces, the ocean stopped moving and we all knew it was over.  Strangely enough, when it happened we were watching from a park.  This was the dream in which my male partner for once was not Scott, it was a man I haven't met yet.  Though it was the end of the world, the dream gave me hope.   When I had this dream I was probably subconsciously aware a lunar eclipse was coming, (flashing by on Facebook) but this scene I'm in at this park is creepy, it is so alike this dream.

I suppose I should be meditating, though writing is like a meditation of sorts for me.  Maybe if I hold some prayer beads in my hands... As always the kids are making friends and running around with eachother.  I really wish this thing could capture what I see.

Hastings and Main, so many tense and sad people.  So many people walking by as if nothing was out of order.  I understand that we have to accept what we cannot change (that does not mean that we should not try to end homelessness, but to accept that at that very moment you will not be able to
house and take care of every person on the street) but it is so hard to watch that hardening  take place.

The kids have been an amazing help with the transit system.  They are such good sports and navigators.  I really hope that this will help them gain confidence and a love of travel.

Said goodbye to Mike and Vancouver city.  Though there were some very cool aspects of Commercial Street and Stanley Park that I would like to explore further, it was just a bit too fast paced for me.

I took the Ferry to Nanaimo, and not even a hint of nausea.  I was wearing Sea bands and took Gravol but the water was calm and the ferry was so large, I'm not sure how much I needed either treatment.  I saw orcas from afar, and a panoramic view of the mountains, just breath taking.

My cousin's home is welcoming, I enjoyed making dinner with her while our kids played at the park together.  We sat at a table and ate dinner.  I have missed this.  Tomorrow we shall explore Nanaimo and look for haunted sites, which is one of my favourite ways to learn local history with the kids.

The morning was a blur of sky trains and buses.  Quick showers, iPad reconnections Facebook reunions.  I couldn't settle.  Old fears emerged.  My brain played out negative scenarios while I planned escape routes.  My goodness I have work to do.  It's amazing how shy one can feel around someone they had known so intimately over a decade before.  Skype and Facebook messages over a month and a half, haven't made it easy for me to meet his eyes for long periods of time.  I feel like we are starting all over again, but my heart is so guarded.  I feel my chest muscles tighten like I'm crossing my arms in front of me.  This is not how I saw things playing out.  I keep thinking that this is weakness,  but one should not force open the bud of a young flower, but marvel in the beauty of it's pedals unfolding.

Three Days Until The Adventure Begins

I bounce between a feeling of pure excitement and that of anxiety... I really dislike bus stations, waiting in lines etc.  Since travelling strapped into a seat for hours and hours was a normal part of my childhood, the bus travel feels just fine.  My children have always been great travellers as well.  However, living in a small town for the last 10 years (already?) has re-sensitized me to the big city bustle.  I will need to remember to breath, and see the anxiety as excitement.  After all it's not an adventure if there isn't an element of challenge and risk (even if that risk is simply not being able to find the bus terminal right away).

As part of our home education, my little bug and buddy will be blogging their experiences on here as well.

Bug: I'll never forget these awesome experiences. I'm  looking forward to traveling with my family and seeing new places.

Buddy: I want to go to Stanley park.  I want to run around and play tag.  Fun is what I am.

I'm trying to leave the house tidy for the tenant moving in the day we leave for our trip. It has been a challenge, there will be the inevitable fridge clean-out and remaining fruit and veggie dinners.  Garbage cans with food emptied and searching the kids room for that one bowl that seems to have gone missing...again.  Normally this would feel like a chore, but not now.  Every step is a reminder of how much closer we are to our adventure.  Thank you to everyone who has given us support As we step into this journey.  More pictures and posts to come!

Frustration

Over a year has passed since I initially became sick.  No diagnosis yet. I am sleeping 12-14 hours a day to get maybe 4 hours of activity which includes a lot of sitting down, walking with a cane or shopping in my wheelchair.  I noticed that I had a sliver that turned into a freckle on my finger tip, Nurse Practitioner told me to make an appointment if it got bigger, then I noticed when I removed my nail polish that the same splinter like marks are under one of my nails.  So I looked it up on google.  Now before anyone *eye rolls*. Let me assure you that as a medical advocate, I know the difference between reliable and unreliable web resources, I also own medical textbooks with which I cross reference my Internet findings.  The markings are identical to splinter hemorrhagesas sign of severe cardiovascular disease, unless you have received trauma to that area recently, which I have not.  Now, had I not been experiencing extreme fatigue, tremors, weakness, shortness of breath, chest pain, among many other symptoms for over a year I simply would have shrugged it off, however taking into account that I have no diagnosis and we have not investigated my cardiovascular system as a possible culprit, I decided that it would be important to show these markings to my Nurse practitioner as quickly as possible.

This is what happened:  I didn't get her, I got a student. Who promptly told me my red rash was not a concern.  "What red rash?" I asked him.  I pointed to the "slivers" under my nail, which I had already told him was my concern.  "We look for infection, or strange growth, these are fine." he told me in a very patronizing way.  He gave me the same neuro exam I get every time, listens to me breath a briefly listens to my heart, asks about my chest pains. I explain them to him.  He takes my blood pressure and says it is good (this is important to note for later). Here's the deal, we are both bias.  I am bias in that I have been dealing with the medical system for 8 years as both patient and patient
advocate.  I have watched many a Dr and nurse overlook things out of being too busy, too
inexperienced, too arrogant or all three.  I have watched life threatening complications arise from these mistakes, the good nurses and doctors recognize explain and apologize for their oversights.  Some lack the ability to realize that there was
an oversight, or the strength of character to admit it.  This student has dealt with patients who no doubt have freaked themselves out by going to numerous healthboards and other unreliable sources of information, he wants to help people with real health problems not waste time on ones prediagnosed by Wikipedia.  I knew this by his patronizing manner.  I would not be an active participant in this medical appointment, he would push on me what he thought, he would report to my nurse Practioner how the slivers were fine as they did not look cancerous or infected.  So it went, the stress question, then the stress comment, the anxiety questions, I assure him, I know what anxiety is, I have had anxiety.  I'm not suffering from an anxiety disorder right now.  "But your symptoms can be caused by anxiety."  He insists "I want you to have a psych consult." He tells me.  Then he wants to up my fibromyalgia meds which are mild anti
depressants.  "No." I tell him. "I get really sick when you guys up or change my meds, cymbal ta is working on my pain right now with very little to no side effects.  I am not upping it."  Then he
assures me in a once again patronizing tone.  "There is always an adjustment period when starting new meds."  This is when I began to get angry. "I dropped 2 dress sizes in a week last time. I'm already sick, I'm not doing that again." "Your choice" he tells me shaking his head.  This student is talking down to me, ignoring my observations of my emotional/mental state and he doesn't even understand the use of basic body language and it's effect on communication between caregiver and patient.  He left to talk to the nurse and I started to cry, out of pure frustration.  I don't want to be sick I am sick of being sick.  I'm missing out on important things with my children. This is the first non-vague symptom I get, and I can't even tell him what I think it is or why because all it will do is reinforce his diagnosis of general anxiety disorder.  He came back with a questionaire for GeneralAnxiety Disorder,  which is like 9 questions.  Really?!? That's all it takes to diagnose GAD?  Plus the questionnaire leaves no room for disease symptoms, as if the only reason I could be possibly
be irritable would be anxiety, not the fact that my legs are sore and I am unexplainably exhausted, not hiding to stay in bed but actually diagnosed by my sleep specialist as truly fatigued.  Then he wants
to put me on a larazapan type anti anxiety med.  "It makes me lethargic." I told him. "I spend too much time in bed as is. I'm not taking those."
"But it will help with your anxiety."
*face palm*
Finally he asked me what I am worried about.  I explained that my symptoms are worse, that I need a wheelchair to grocery shop because I get so tired, dizzy and my knees give out.  I'm worried that there is something wrong with my heart, with the way my blood moves, I'm worried that I am sick and we are not looking at all the possibilities and I am missing out on time with my family.  I don't want to be sick.  I want to get better. Then we went back over how tired I am, Scott mentioned my iron was low, then the student said he would put together some blood work to look at that, he left, spoke with my nurse Practioner and had ordered an ECG, a mobile ECG for a few days a cbc, a test
for diabetes and a few others.  I agreed to the psych consult to prove once and for all I do not have an anxiety disorder, so that we can move on to my real diagnosis. An hour and a half, that is how long that took.

He was so sure that I had anxiety he overlooked the proof that I do not have it:  My blood pressure was normal. Let's take a look at this situation from the view of a caregiver who has read my notes.  History of sexual and physical abuse by men in positions of authority.  Trauma caused by male doctor cutting into genitals without pharmaceutical pain relief, a preference to female caregivers.  She arrives to see that instead of her nurse she has  a male she barely knows,  he is examining her,  touching her  and her  blood pressure is fine.  Her heart rate is fine.  Someone who is suffering from GAD with my background would have a rush of epinephrine in a situation like that, her bp and heart
rate would jump considerably, as cymbalta is not a beta blocker.  While I was putting on my boots my
nurse practitioner came out, part of me wanted to show her my finger nail and talk to her about it, but not her part of me thought; What's the point? Here's what I learned, if they are going to treat me like I'm  crazy anyways, I might as well just tell them what think it is right away rather than waste so
much time.

Doulas: What Market Should You Really Be Targeting?

Peace on Earth begins with birth.  I truly believe this.  This is why I am a doula.  This is why I have a non profit find-a-doula site to help families find the right doula for them.  I think it's important that women who are looking for our services find them easily.  I don't market myself though, so much as spread awareness of doula care.  For doulas who wish to make a living only doulaing, advertising is essential.

I've been hearing a lot about marketing in the birth professional world.  There's always some ad somewhere about marketing your birth business.  I hear a lot about target markets as well.  So let's be honest here,  you don't market to the person you know would want your product, you market to the people who has the persuasive power over the person who wants your product.  As doulas we forget the influence the family members and peers have on first time mother's decisions on her pregnancy and childbirth care.  Women who had discussed having a doula with their families described to me how their family reacted to their wishes, "Why would you want one of those?" Many a time women have said to me: "Oh , I wanted a doula, but my sister/friend told me I wouldn't need one, she'd come with me instead."  This extends through much of their pregnancy choices, how many doulas have heard: "I want a home birth but my family doesn't think it's a good idea so..."

 How do we influence the "influencers"?  Simple: Doulas need to be normalized.  We need to be seen by others, not just women during the part of their lives that our society often wraps in secrecy.   The more comfortable and aware of doula care our communities are the more likely they are to support women in their doula choice.  If our society is able to recognize that doulas provide a service worth paying for, then maybe, just maybe, our communities will begin to believe that how a woman gives birth is important.

Another aspect of normalizing doula care is by being honest with ourselves and our clients about the care we provide.  We are not a magic pill, and though the research points to a doula being present lowering the risks of interventions significantly, hiring us does not guarantee an intervention free birth.  It does however guarantee that we will be there, supporting the family through whatever may come.  We are the hand to hold, the reassuring voice in times of doubt and the gentle reminder to ask questions.  We also need to realize that not every woman needs a doula to have an empowering birth.  In fact I believe very few women need a doula.  If there's anything I've learned through this career, it's that women are strong and capable of amazing things. I drive along side her and offer sips of water while she runs the marathon and I am in awe of her.  The truth is, I know she could have done it without me and I hope that I did a good enough job supporting her that she knows that too. 

The less wrapped in mystery (or mysticism for that matter) we are, the more seriously we will be taken as a profession.  The more seriously we are taken, the more opportunity we have to positively impact new families one birth at a time.  It's time to think outside of the belly and into our communities and government.  Marketing need not just be about finding a client, it can be about changing the world.
  

A Day of Hippy Home Education

We don't fall under one category of home education. I have a gr1 curriculum book, that Bug does work out of. I use it to keep me on track with the concepts she should be able to understand, though the majority of the time Bug chooses when to work out of this book herself (it is almost complete). We believe in child-lead education. They ask "Why does _____ happen? or "That Lion is so cool! Can we look up lions on the National Geographic site?" We go with whatever they are curious about. The Lion question lead to an entire unit on African Savanna Animals. I love Montessori concepts, and we have many games and puzzles. We love to incorporate life skills as well. We are what you would call "eclectic" home educators. Mostly though, we just let them play :) Here's a taste of a day in our home.

Folding towels= Co-operation, life skills, hand-eye

coordination and a sense of accomplishment. Just don't expect them to be perfect right away. The kids do get better with practise.

Washing dishes, each with their own jobs, and needing to follow several steps. Being able to work both independently to achieve the same goal is an indispensable skill. Plus, it takes a chunk out of the amount of dishes Scott and I have to do. (They LOVE dish washing, They cheer when I tell them it's time to do the dishes).

Sorting Laundry (sorting, life skills and coordination) and hanging up their own clothes. They take better care of their clothes now that they are the ones that put them away.

The African game we made up to review what we had learned during our African Animals unit.

(Reading, counting, teamwork, strategy, addition, multiplication, problem solving, geography)

Cuddling is a big part of our educating process.

If anyone is curious, how they learn to read and print without me sitting them down and teaching them. My short answer is: I have no clue. They just do. The slightly longer answer is, complete a task many times in front of them, when they ask a question about it: answer it and only it , don't go into major detail. For example: "What sound does that letter make mommy?" Mommy: "it makes a SSSS sound like a snake" Have alphabet puzzles, games and tracing mats available for them to play with at their own leisure. That's it. When a child chooses what they want to learn, when they want to learn it, they will. If you don't believe me the boy pictured above is my 4 yrold. He printed this completely on his own, by sounding out the words without prompting or help from any of us. I just walked into the living room and there it was with him and his big grin "Look what I did mommy!"

Music is a huge part of our day. Their step dad is a musician and practises regularly, which leads to the whole family joining in with drums, keyboard and voices. This is coupled with Music for Young Children classes (which are AWESOME).

One of my favourite things is reading to them.

So, that's how it works in my family, for now. Observe and adapt, don't get too attached to one way of doing things and know when to ask for assistance. That's my advise, I find it applies to every aspect of my life.

Why We Are Cleaning Up Hunter's Bay Trail, An Answer To Councilor John Davis.

This morning we put on our work gloves, one pair extra large, one pair small and two pairs of teeny tiny. The whole family was getting ready to participate in our first clean-up which was organized by Danial McCoy, with the Huntsville Environmental Group. The idea was that we would dig out and recycle the plastic shavings that had blown over from KWH's back lot and settled into our beloved Hunter's Bay Trail bank.

Kyle Kralik, Karin Tarizano, Danial McCoy

To say I felt overwhelmed would be an understatement. If the first 20 minutes of raking, it became very obvious that we weren't looking at one foot or so of plastic shavings. There were layers upon layers of it. The tiny roots of plants had grown entangled around them. We had bitten off more than we could chew. The more we dug the more plastic we found. We realized we would have to stop digging due to the threat of washing out the trail. Wheelbarrow by wheelbarrow we rolled the piles out to the parking lot and filled two 60 square foot boxes donated by KWH itself. When we realized we could not dig any further without compromising the bank we dug a small trench and lined it with logs to slow any erosion.

Layers upon Layers, this saplings roots have grown in and around these shavings.




John Davis, Brendan and Rudi Stade


Scott Gilson

Among the members of the Huntsville Environmental Group a few other faces made an appearance, John Davis and Karin Terizano of the Huntsville town council came out to do some digging. Karin got straight to work and helped to fill many wheel barrows. John was shoveling as well, but was obviously conflicted about the trail clean-up. At one point I heard him ask "Why are we even doing this? It's just fine the way it is." He pointed out that the PVC pipes these shavings came from carry our water, he didn't believe the shavings to be a threat. I'm glad he brought these thoughts forward, for I am sure there are many others who believe that plastic formed in 3 inch thick tubes buried below the frost line and not exposed to the hot summers and cold winters of Muskoka leach chemicals at the same rate as these thin shavings do. However, when discussing considerations when disposing of PVC www.lenntech.com/polyvinyl-pvc.htm states : " ...attention should be taken to the fact that PVC may leach out toxic chemicals and contaminate soil and water." Lenntech is a respected environmentally friendly water and air filtration system designing company in the Netherlands, and has worked with Shell and the US army. (for those of you who are sceptical of Internet information and where it comes from as I am).

So to answer your question, Councilor John Davis; I can not tell you why all of us were "doing this" but I can tell you why I was. I helped to clean out 120 cubic feet of PVC from a river bank because I was worried about chemicals leaching into the water way my children play in. I sifted through piles of shavings and dirt pulling out organic material with my children to show them that it is our responsibility to clean up the environment. I raked down clumps of plastic knowing that there was no way we could clean it up in one day because I believe that every journey starts with one step, or in the case of the Hunter's Bay clean-up; 5 rakes, 5 shovels and a small group of people who are not scared of a little hard work.