Formula Feeding and Mother Guilt

Debating with my sister about breastfeeding politics and mother guilt, My midwife sent this to me. I love Dr. Jack Newman!

Breastfeeding and Guilt
Written by Jack Newman, MD, FRCPC
(revised January 2000)

One of the most powerful arguments many health professionals, government agencies and formula company manufacturers make for not promoting and supporting breastfeeding is that we should "not make the mother feel guilty for not breastfeeding". Even some strong breastfeeding advocates are disarmed by this "not making mothers feel guilty" ploy.

It is, in fact, nothing more than a ploy. It is an argument that deflects attention from the lack of knowledge and understanding of too many health professionals about breastfeeding. This allows them not to feel guilty for their ignorance of how to help women overcome difficulties with breastfeeding, which could have been overcome and usually could have been prevented in the first place if mothers were not so undermined in their attempts to breastfeed. This argument also seems to allow formula companies and health professionals to pass out formula company literature and free samples of formula to pregnant women and new mothers without pangs of guilt, despite the fact that it has been well demonstrated that this literature and the free samples decrease the rate and duration of breastfeeding.

Let's look at real life. If a pregnant woman went to her physician and admitted she smoked a pack of cigarettes, is there not a strong chance that she would leave the office feeling guilty for endangering her developing baby? If she admitted to drinking a couple of beers every so often, is there not a strong chance that she would leave the office feeling guilty? If a mother admitted to sleeping in the same bed with her baby, would most physicians not make her feel guilty for this even though it is, in fact, the best thing for her and the baby? If she went to the office with her one week old baby and told the physician that she was feeding her baby homogenized milk, what would be the reaction of her physician? Most would practically collapse and have a fit. And they would have no problem at all making that mother feel guilty for feeding her baby cow's milk, and then pressuring her to feed the baby formula. (Not pressuring her to breastfeed, it should be noted, because "you wouldn't want to make a woman feel guilty for not breastfeeding".)

Why such indulgence for formula? The reason of course, is that the formula companies have succeeded so brilliantly with their advertising to convince most of the world that formula feeding is just about as good as breastfeeding, and therefore there is no need to make such a big deal about women not breastfeeding. As a vice-president of Nestle here in Toronto was quoted as saying "Obviously, advertising works". It is also a balm for the consciences of many health professionals who, themselves, did not breastfeed, or their wives did not breastfeed. "I will not make women feel guilty for not breastfeeding, because I don't want to feel guilty for my child not being breastfed".

Let's look at this a little more closely. Formula is certainly theoretically more appropriate for babies than cow's milk. But, in fact, there are no clinical studies that show that there is any difference between babies fed cow's milk and those fed formula. Not one. Breastmilk, and breastfeeding, which is not the same as breastmilk feeding, has many many more theoretical advantages over formula than formula has over cow's milk (or other animal milk). And we are just learning about many of these advantages. Almost every day there are more studies telling us about these theoretical advantages. But there is also a wealth of clinical data showing that, even in affluent societies, breastfed babies, and their mothers, incidentally, are much better off than formula fed babies. They have fewer ear infections, fewer gut infections, a lesser chance of developing juvenile diabetes and many other illnesses. The mother has a lesser chance of developing breast and ovarian cancer, and is probably protected against osteoporosis. And these are just a few examples.

So how should we approach support for breastfeeding? All pregnant women and their families need to know the risks of artificial feeding. All should be encouraged to breastfeed, and all should get the best support available for starting breastfeeding once the baby is born. Because all the good intentions in the world will not help a mother who has developed terribly sore nipples because of the baby's poor latch at the breast. Or a mother who has been told, almost always inappropriately, that she must stop breastfeeding because of some medication or illness in her or her baby. Or a mother whose supply has not built up properly because she was given wrong information. Make no mistake about itﾗhealth professionals' advice is often the single most significant reason for mothers' failing at breastfeeding! Not the only one, and other factors are important, but health professionals often have influence and authority far beyond their knowledge and experience.

If mothers get the information about the risks of formula feeding and decide to formula feed, they will have made an informed decision. This information must not come from the formula companies themselves, as it often does. Their pamphlets give some advantages of breastfeeding and then go on to imply that their formula is almost, well, between us, actually, just as good. If mothers get the best help possible with breastfeeding, and find breastfeeding is not for them, they will get no grief from me. It is important to know that a woman can easily switch from breastfeeding to bottle feeding. In the first days or weeksﾗno big problem. But the same is not true for switching from bottle feeding to breastfeeding. It is often very difficult or impossible, though not always.

Finally, who does feel guilty about breastfeeding? Not the women who make an informed choice to bottle feed. It is the woman who wanted to breastfeed, who tried, but was unable to breastfeed who feels guilty. In order to prevent women feeling guilty about not breastfeeding what is required is not avoiding promotion of breastfeeding, but promotion of breastfeeding coupled with good, knowledgeable and skillful support. This is not happening in most North American or European societies.
Jack Newman, MD, FRCPC
(revised January 2000)

Pedophile Proof Your Children

This is a heavy topic for me, I am imagining who will be reading this and what they may think of me afterwards, but I think that it's important to unsilence the violence. I believe that one of the reasons children are being sexually abused is because we are so damned quiet about it and what it does to us as adults years later.

I was listening to CBC radio and I heard:
Like my stomach's being squeezed up, out of my throat,
That was all,
I hit the power button.
I knew that feeling immediately
I knew when it came
When it comes
Sometimes before I do,
Sometimes after.
Sometimes I gag so hard
I stumble to the bathroom.
Wishing that I could throw it up
Throw it out
Flush it down
And it would never come back up again.
You know what the worst part is?
The first is never the last.
Time or person.
Though for the purpose and pain
They will become He.
I can't be tickled, grabbed, pinned, playfully
I wrench my body away in anger
Growl and snap
Don't Do That.
Because now I have a voice.
I didn't always
Because once He hid behind
A playful mask
But if I looked just so into the eye holes
A creepy cold feeling would wash over me
And the whole world was drowned out by sick silence
He would shush me when I tried to talk
He liked the silence,
He liked the creeks and groans of the mattress.
He didn't like me.
He still breaths in my ear
He lets his hand rest against my thigh in the bus
He grabs my ass in the bar
He hides under my bed waiting for intimate moments
Then replaces my lover
For an eye blink.
I suppose this is where I pretend like I'm healing,
Like it gets better or easier...


I think we live in a society that sets kids up to be victims of sexual assault. We tell them that "so and so will feel bad if they don't give them a hug goodbye". We expect them to sit on a strange bearded man's lap once a year because he gives them gifts. "Why don't you want to sit on Santa's lap? He brings you presents, you don't want to be ungrateful do you?" Pedophiles thrive off this mentality using a barrage of guilt and gifts to convince children to let them touch them. We make our kids ripe for the picking. Shame is another child silencing tactic, we teach our children not to talk about sex, that it is private and or dirty. We do not take the time to explain that physical love is nothing to be ashamed of, and that if they ever want to talk about it they are welcome to. Pedophiles tell children that their parents will be mad at them for doing "dirty things", so they better not tell them.

So how do we "pedophile proof" our kids? We make it harder for the pedophiles to use guilt, gifts and shame to get physical affection.

1.Teach your children "No." I don't mean "if a stranger..." , I mean "No."
I mean if they don't want to kiss aunt Lucy and they say "No." You respect that, you teach them that NO ONE, no matter who, has the right to force physical affection on them.

2.Teach them that they don't have to sit on Santa's (Grampa's, Aunty's, Uncle's etc.) lap just because s/he gives them presents.

3. Don't force your own affection on them, if they don't want a hug or a kiss at that time, show them you respect their physical boundaries.

4. Talk to them about sex, about making love. Explain that there is no shame in having or wanting sex. Though, sexual touching should never be forced on or expected of anyone. Let them know that they should feel free to talk about sex and ask any questions they may have about it.

In return they will learn self-respect and they will also learn that if someone says "No.", they should respect that. They will learn that they should not force physical affection on anyone, and that they do not deserve affection from someone because they gave them gifts.

This is not an easy thing to do. Trust me, I've offended many people. I probably just offended someone right now. But if I can spare my child the confusion of "Was this my fault?" and "Aren't I suppose to like being touched by someone who loves me?" If I can give them a voice, a voice I was too unsure to use myself. Then it is worth every scathing look and sneer I've ever gotten.

Letting Kids Choose the Subject.

So I woke up yesterday morning and had no idea what to teach about that day. I had my coffee, ate my breakfast, brushed my teeth and lazied around for an hour, hoping an idea would come to me. Usually, Jooniper's homeschooling is finished by 12:30pm. So I was running a bit late for curriculum ideas. The day before, we had spent almost an hour on Math workbooks, so I wanted to take a break from that. But I needed to be inspired. We got dressed, the kids played with an awesome building toy we got from Applause toy store. The creative juices got flowing after Jooniper whined: "Mom! Jack's wrecking my tent!"
There it was, that's what I was waiting for. A subject that she had taken an interest in, something that I could use to incorporate art, english and usable knowledge. I told her and Jack to go get their back packs and fill them with things they think they will need for camping. Jack put his 4 wheeler toy and some pants in. We talked about how some people do bring their 4 wheelers camping. Jooniper packed lots of clothes. We told her about the importance of an extra pair of dry socks and clothes that are tough and she doesn't mind if they get dirty. Then we got them to grab their canteens and we discussed how important clean drinking water is for someone who is hiking. Then we taught them camp fire safety. We pretended the floor was the ground outside. we pretended to dig a pit, then we surrounded the dirt pit with stones. We used dryer lint, then rolled up construction paper as sticks and some wooden cylindrical blocks as logs. We explained how important it was that the wood be dry. Then we talked about how only adults are allowed to light the fire. Then we roasted marsh mellows over our fake fire using pencil crayons as our sticks. After that Jooniper and I wrote out a 10 step plan to making a camp fire safely, including keeping water nearby and making sure the pit is dug away from the tent, trees and bushes. I typed out the 10 steps leaving key words blank for her to print in. Then we read it together. At that point the sun was shinning and I wanted to get out of the house. Jooniper was having so much fun playing camping that she didn't want to leave. So I had to make an adventure worth leaving for. I created a scavenger hunt to take place at the local outdoors store. Jooniper and I made a list together of all the things we would need to go camping. Then We drove into town and walked to the outdoors store. Jooniper then had to find everything on the list. She even added a few things. I love how easily she walked up the the salesclerks and asked them to help her find something. She even would ask them what certain items were used for when camping. Sometimes she would stop and draw one of the items in her workbook (Yay art!)
Jooniper had worked very hard that day. In fact, we had spent 15 minutes sounding out the word "sticks" earlier. So it was time to blow off some steam at the park. Jooniper made a new friend named Jacob. They ran around together for an hour before it was time to go home. We had a wonderful time together. As a side note: we started Jooniper's own cookbook on Monday. She had been talking about making smoothies, so we made a smoothie, then wrote down the ingredients together and she drew pictures of them, then we put them in a separate duo-tang and she labeled it Jooniper's Cook Book.

Homeschooling Curriculum, Traditional and Non

I love math lessons where my children get to manipulate objects in order to understand basic mathematical concepts. " These 4 peg people want to go to a party, now those 3 peg people are going too, let's bring them all over to the party. How many peg people are at the party?" I know though, that she not only needs to understand the concepts but also what they look like down on paper. So after a few days of addition and subtraction using apple slices, apple seeds and toy pegs, we are ready to do some worksheets from Complete Canadian Curriculum.

I would show you a picture of her worksheet, except there is no copying of any form allowed. I am a goody 2 shoes. Next is a fun game to help Jack recognize numbers and colours. I made a giant dice out of a cube box and a number chart from The Dollar Store. I coloured the ends of Popsicle sticks and wrote the name of the corresponding colour on them as well. Then I put them colour-side-down into a cup.

So we start out by throwing the dice and seeing what number is up. Then the dice thrower picks a stick. Then the person who's turn it is, has to find that number of that coloured objects. for example 4 red objects. When they are found they are put in a basket and re-counted. What I liked most about this game, is that the kids began using teamwork almost right away, helping each other find objects of that colour.

Next was music time. My kids love to dance (who's doesn't?) So I found some kids break dancing videos on you-tube and we watched them. Then I put on some Run DMC and let them go nuts.

They did a lot of killer moves, but my camera was too slow to capture a lot of them. Jooniper even did some stalls. Joonpier wrote about dogs in her blog today and we took a picture of her dog sticker collage. What I love most about Homeschooling is how creative you can be with the curriculum. I think tomorrow will be yoga, got to build those core muscles to hold those stalls!

Apple Day!

Dirt Girl World featured apples yesterday. So Jooniper, Jack, Scott and I went to the grocery store and purchased 2 of each variety of apple. Unfortunately, Jooniper was getting over the flu so we were not able to do more than that. Today, Jooniper is feeling much better so we were able to continue our lesson. I drew a picture of each type of apple we had purchased, and labeled it. I wrote what colours the apples were inside the picture of the apple. I then lined up the apples and we discussed the shape, colour and "shinyness" of each apple and jooni placed the correct apples on there picture counterparts.

Jooniper coloured each apple picture. After that it was taste test time. We cut up each apple into slices. We practised our subtraction by taking away slices and eating them then counting what is left. Yummy math time!

We opened the apples, extracted the seeds and counted them. Then we made a poster demonstrating the cycle of seed to apple. I've been storing apple seeds in the fridge, I think we'll plant them this afternoon. Gotta go, Dirt Girl World is coming on!

Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had My First Baby.

My first birth experience was very traumatizing. I had no idea what my rights were, or that I even had any. "Hospital policy" was quoted at me left, right and center whenever I asked "why?" or "I want my baby back.". I often felt like I was being patted on the head. So I gritted my teeth and counted the hours until I had my freedom back. My second birth I knew my rights,as I had a wonderful midwife who answered all my informed choice questions as well as a supportive doula that I shared my fears with. I had a better breastfeeding education than my nurses. My baby slept skin to skin with my arms propped up with pillows. My son was latched on all night. I was able to doze for 8 hours. Much longer than with my first baby, who can sleep when their baby is screaming across the hall and the nurses won't bring him/her to you? When the nurse noticed that I was only writing down which side I breastfed on last not the length of time, she chided me. "That's to make sure your baby is getting enough to drink," at which point I told her that "there is no current research that supports that the duration of time on the breast can determine the amount of breastmilk ingested. In fact, the timing of feedings is considered to be counter-productive to breastfeeding success according to the World Health Organization. But it is a wonderful tool to help me remember which breast I fed with last. " She answered "It won't hurt to just write it down." Then left in a huff. When I knew my rights and was able to firmly assert them, my hospital stay was almost pleasant, except that they let my meds wear off and I had to walk to my car 3 days post c-sect with no pain meds in my system. Also, I was able to have my mother stay in the hospital with me, so there was never a reason for them to "help" with the baby, or take it away for a long period of time. Thanks mom. So here is a list of the things I wish I knew before having my first baby.

1.That hospital policy does not override a mother's legal right to informed choice.
Mother: "I don't want an iv" nurse "well it's hospital policy, just in case there's an emergency."
You still have a right to refuse. According to Canadian Medical Association's code of ethics and the Canadian Nursing Association's code of ethics. A patient has the right to refuse any medical test/procedures without further pressure from the health-care provider. In fact, a nurse who is just following the doctors orders and carries out a procedure after the patient has refused said procedure, is just as legally liable as the doctor who gave the order despite the patient's refusal.

2. Cesarean sections are not the "easy way out". They are risky, painful for weeks (sometimes years) afterward and leave you helpless to do simple but necessary motherly tasks.

3. According to the WHO hospitals with c-section rates higher than 15% actually have higher maternal mortality rates and higher incidences of re-hospitalization. In other words, this
life saving procedure when done in excess is a life-endangering procedure. The average c-sect rate in Canada is 25%. So feel free to ask questions when a cesarean is suggested. Your life may depend on it. There are many hospitals in Europe that have less than 15% c-section rate and much lower maternal and infant mortality rates than Canada.

4. It is not a requirement to have a formal breastfeeding education to be a L&D nurse or a doctor, though, the health-care providers who do not have a formal education (18 hours is the minimum recommended by the World Health Organization) will still offer advise. Nurse "Oh well, the baby's not getting enough liquid because your 'real milk' hasn't come in yet." or "write down each feeding and the length to show your baby's getting enough milk" Scientific research has debunked both of these misconceptions, but I still heard them coming out of healthcare providers mouths.

5. The Doctors responsible for creating the policies for formula supplementation usually have no formal breastfeeding education. So, if it is suggested that your baby be supplemented with formula, ask that a healthcare professional with at least an 18 hour breastfeeding education be consulted first. If possible, ask to speak with an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, they are the gold standard in breastfeeding information and current breastfeeding research. Once again, you have the right to make an informed choice for your baby. It is not considered an informed choice if the caregiver does not have accurate or up to date information. You wouldn't consult Orthopedic Surgeon for advise on treating glaucoma, you'd see an eye specialist. It should not be any different for breastfeeding.

6. When I got home I would need a lot of breastfeeding support. I had no idea how much patience and confidence I would need to learn to breastfeed, and in turn, my baby to learn as well. Thank goodness for midwives, postpartum doulas and public health nurse Lactation Consultants. Find yourself at least one of these to help with the first 3 weeks of breastfeeding.

7. A new baby will want to eat between once every three hours to once an hour. This is not a sign that the baby isn't getting enough. This is very important to the production of breastmilk.

8. Breastfeeding, though very rewarding, is exhausting.

9. Sometimes babies just cry and all you can do is comfort them the best you can, they are adapting to a whole new world. Don't take it personally.

Praying With Little Ones

Do Buddhists pray? Well that depends on the Buddhist. There are Christian Buddhists, and being as I think Christ was "the man" and more Divine than human. I suppose that's what I am. Buddha said there were 180,000 paths to enlightenment (which I believe to be living in full connection with God's love, when we conquer our inner "evils" that act as a block between the creator and ourselves) my children will have to find and follow their own path to God. A creator of many names, but made of the same love. So at night we pray. It is simple, we call God; God, though I have explained that God is neither male or female as God does not need a penis or vagina to create life like animals do. I know, I'm a little blunt. So first we sing a song with a melody fashioned after Raffi's "Thanks A lot" song. Then we each sing what we are thankful for. Jack's mostly thankful for his ricemilk and on one touching night; thankful for Scott. Jooniper is mostly thankful for her glow in the dark star stickers on her ceiling and what ever else is in her line of sight. I am usually thankful for my family and Scott is thankful for the fun things we did that day. Then comes the time to ask God for something we want. Jack always declines, and re-thanks God for his ricemilk. Jooniper asks for toys for Jack so he can have one of his own so she doesn't have to share hers. I usually ask for help being wise, courageous or patient. Scott rarely asks for anything. Then we say "Goodnight God." And start the song portion of our nighttime routine. I think the most important thing I can do for my children spiritually, is open up a line of communication between themselves and God. Jooniper is getting older and I have been reading her the story of Siddartha, we have read Bible stories as well as Native American Folklore. Anyone have a children's spiritual book they recommend? How do you incorporate religion/spirituality into your childrens daily lives?