I like being single. I don't even really think about the fact I'm single anymore, despite what my Facebook #reasonsImsingle diatribe may have given the impression of. Though it was really just a celebration of my oddness, but I digress.
Here are the things that I am thinking about instead: What do I want to do in life and how am I going to get there? I'm taking online courses, going back to school and planning for full-time college in the Fall. My health has become a priority as well so daily exercise is taking up at least 30 minutes a day. Creating healthy meals also fills my mind, so I'm focussing on the nutritional value of foods. I want to be able to handle the stress of school, so I'm meditating every night.
My kids are getting older, taking time to play cards games and go on walks with them is a priority. I enjoy creating, so I purchased a ukulele and I "jam" along to my tunes with it. I jump on my son's mini drum set and practise basic rock beats to rebuild my motor skills after years of poor neuro function. I get together with good friends; we talk, we joke, we have deep philosophical discussions, we listen, we support, sometimes we play music. I believe in every voice counting, on social media and otherwise, so I read, post and comment on social justice issues.
Every two weeks or so, I go out and do something fun with someone I find attractive that I don't know very well. Not dates per se, just enjoying their presence, getting to know them. These are potentially good friends and I don't mind riding that line until they (or I) decide otherwise.
I'm not really looking for a relationship.
I know, pretty cliche. I'm sure some singles are sick of hearing it. However, in order for me to be willing to commit a specific amount of time and emotional energy, it has to feel GOOD.
I think it can be described in this way:
When I see them I genuinely feel a rush of happiness and warmth. Then as we are hanging out I feel a level of comfort comparable to when I take my bra off at the end of the day. When they touch me... Well this isn't my sex blog so I'll leave that part out.
This GOOD feeling doesn't happen overnight and I don't have large amounts of time/energy to build that with someone at the moment. I do, however, enjoy a different types of relationships (when I say relationships, I'm referring to the way two people relate to one another, not the traditional romantic perspective). The ones from afar, where the person is just as unable to commit as you are. There's getting to know them, no pressure, no expectations, no intentions other than communicating to share because you both honestly enjoy it. These are becoming my favourite. When your visions of the future don't currently include a serious romantic partnership, it's nice to have others around you who are on the same wavelength.
When I was 13, someone asked me how I saw my future. I told them I would be living in a small cabin on a lake, writing everyday. There was no husband or wife in that vision. I see now that this was a unique mindset for an adolescent girl and I am happy for it, it means that I saw myself as completely content as a single adult. Here I am, just that.
