The morning was a blur of sky trains and buses.  Quick showers, iPad reconnections Facebook reunions.  I couldn't settle.  Old fears emerged.  My brain played out negative scenarios while I planned escape routes.  My goodness I have work to do.  It's amazing how shy one can feel around someone they had known so intimately over a decade before.  Skype and Facebook messages over a month and a half, haven't made it easy for me to meet his eyes for long periods of time.  I feel like we are starting all over again, but my heart is so guarded.  I feel my chest muscles tighten like I'm crossing my arms in front of me.  This is not how I saw things playing out.  I keep thinking that this is weakness,  but one should not force open the bud of a young flower, but marvel in the beauty of it's pedals unfolding.