This season I have felt completely overwhelmed. I'm exhausted, emotional and negative. I've been generally feeling like I should know better, I can be happier than this, why does it seem so hard?
After reading a blog post I wrote after being in St.John's (one of the most joyous times of my life) I realized that I wasn't tending to my own joy anymore. I have this preconceived notion that when my schedule gets busy, I simply do not have the time to spend on my joy and instead it becomes damage control. It's a matter of priorities, messed up, hand built by robots, priorities.
So I decided to take a Joybreak. A week where I focus on doing things that bring me joy. Here's what a typical Joybreak looks like:
Wake up, tell my kids I love them, send them off to school, have a mind blowing orgasm, choose my favourite colours to wear, put on make-up, choose a great music playlist, put on my headphones, dance in my room, go out still listening to music, walk to my favourite coffee shop, make my coffee with lots of honey, eat my favourite oatmeal, check Facebook, chat with acquaintances, make a list of yummy food to buy, write, write,write, head on out to do my shopping still with music playing, shop, sing along and dance while shopping, get home put stuff away, take a hot bath, nap before kids get home from school, cuddle them, make dinner with them and plan our movie for that night. After the movie send them to bed with kisses, Check Facebook, climb into my super soft covers, read a book, meditate, sleep.
I'm only part way through my day and already I feel more energetic. I had forgotten that doing things that bring me joy, does not detract from other responsibilities, it makes them more than merely tolerable, as joy tends to overflow into all aspects of my life.
Update: when you search for joy you find it.
Today, while at the coffee shop, I talked to two great women, who always give off such warmth. I got to stop by my friend's work and say "Hi.". There was the amazing chocolate lab who was so happy to see me and let me pet him. Leaving the supermarket, I saw a friend, who gave me a genuine hug and made my chest fill with warmth. My housemate made dinner, my kids loved their new light up toothbrushes, we listened to Stuart McLean and I swear I heard a story that I had missed the last two years we were listening. The Christmas puzzle was well received and finished. Day one of my Joybreak was a success, with only one hitch, when I waited too long to eat and got a bit grumpy with my kids.