So, this month, is always the toughest financially. Because the Family Responsibility office takes my child support off every other pay check. Three pay check months means my child support payments are delayed. One payment only this month and of course $50.00 in lice treatments. So yeah, we are visiting the Food bank. But, rent will be made, the kids have winter jackets, boots, mitts and snow pants. I'm looking for part time work at the moment, we'll see what comes up.
None the less, even with my tightened budget, I am happy. I feel loved, accepted and wanted. I finally understand friendship. For so long I had so few friends, and I couldn't see them very often.
I was feeling bad about not being able to afford all the activities the children wanted to be in. I asked my kiddos, if they were still happy that we moved, even if we don't have as much money. They both emphatically nodded "Yes."
I was feeling a little sorry for myself a few days ago...then a friend asked on Facebook about chronic pain and how it affects emotions. Then as I listed all of the horrible things I was feeling during my illness; the guilt of not being able to keep up with housework, the hopelessness of no diagnosis/treatment and the feeling of being a complete burden on my partner. It reminded me of how far I have come emotionally, of how many days I cried while I ran my bath so my children couldn't hear me.
Yep, Money's tight. There isn't someone warming my bed at night. But I have laughter, and conversation. I have understanding and support. I love these people who are in my life, they are kind and fun, I feel like they really want to be there, like they are not hanging out with me because of some sense of duty. They could at any point leave my life, but they don't. They send me messages of love and encouragement, they do not judge me.
I don't know how I would have done this without them. I feel incredibly blessed to have these people in my life.