Thursday, March 24, 2016

Sore Fingers, Happy Heart.

Last night I picked up my guitar and I played both blissfully and clumsily.  I remembered riffs from 13 years ago, and the strange half chords I would make up to get certain sounds.  I have not picked up "the lady" as was my term of endearment for it, more than 6 times in the last 10 years.  It felt amazing. I almost started to cry because I honestly thought I would never regain full use of my hands  after my illness, in which they were weak and responded in delayed ways.

Then I sang, we sang together, the lady and I.  I began writing a song.  A song all by myself.  I did not need a co-writer and a voice inside me said, "pay attention to this... "

I put it out there I wanted to be musical and create again, I found people to do this with and they found me.  Though I have to travel 45 minutes south to get to these jam sessions, they have been pivotal in my self confidence and a source of inspiration.  I am truly grateful to be welcomed into such an open and supportive space.

My life doesn't feel "busy" anymore.  When the things I am doing and the people I am surrounded by give me a sense of fulfillment, I feel like my life expands to create space for it.  I feel like it is effortless.

I am truly grateful to my new friends who have welcomed me into their musical space with no judgement. I don't think they truly understand the positive impact it has had on my life.