Sunday, February 7, 2016


So I put it out there...this need to unwind, let off steam.  Suddenly there's all these people who want to hang out and do cool things with me.  This week's looking pretty good.  I'm a hermit when I'm writing, but I need to draw from something other than my recycled thoughts. I love people, I love sharing experiences with them.

I remember when I first moved out, everything I needed came to me when I put it out there.  Then for some reason I stopped asking.  I stopped saying "hey, I need this."  I don't know why, because it clearly works.  Maybe I thought, "okay I'm good now, I can do this on my own, thanks."
I forget I never do anything completely on my own.  Ever.  Everything I do has some sort of interaction involved either before or after in order to complete it. Life is a series of interactions and relationships.  I have to stop thinking of myself as independent when I'm interdependent, we all are.  I just keep mentally separating myself from others with this idea of "making it on my own." 
I'm scared of becoming dependent on someone again.  So I try to be completely independent which is not helping my emotional state at all.  I need to recognize I need not be either.  I am a working part of a whole system, this system needs me like I need it.  I'm not talking economically, I am talking about relationships, action/reaction, give and take.  I felt very isolated for a long time, but it's time to let go of that viewpoint and open up to my community.