I remember when I first moved out, everything I needed came to me when I put it out there. Then for some reason I stopped asking. I stopped saying "hey, I need this." I don't know why, because it clearly works. Maybe I thought, "okay I'm good now, I can do this on my own, thanks."
I forget I never do anything completely on my own. Ever. Everything I do has some sort of interaction involved either before or after in order to complete it. Life is a series of interactions and relationships. I have to stop thinking of myself as independent when I'm interdependent, we all are. I just keep mentally separating myself from others with this idea of "making it on my own."
I'm scared of becoming dependent on someone again. So I try to be completely independent which is not helping my emotional state at all. I need to recognize I need not be either. I am a working part of a whole system, this system needs me like I need it. I'm not talking economically, I am talking about relationships, action/reaction, give and take. I felt very isolated for a long time, but it's time to let go of that viewpoint and open up to my community.
